I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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