dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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