Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
