She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
