i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
