I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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