it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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