Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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