Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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