he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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