how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
