New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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