I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
