Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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