So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
