Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
