My friends, they love my intelligence
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
