I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
no, he came in my armpit
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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