its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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