So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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