butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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