Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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