I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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