So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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