I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
