just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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