Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
