just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
