He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
nutella sex= disaster
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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