There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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