I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
handjob tips. give me some.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
