lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize