You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she looked like the before picture.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
