So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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