i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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