At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
