my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I didn't notice because vodka
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
