i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
