eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
