i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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