My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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