My girlfriend figured out who you are.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
