Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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