wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
