Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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