Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
