I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
