some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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