Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
