walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
