Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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