i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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