He kissed a someone with a penis
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
