Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize