she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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