I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
