If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
