it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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