Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
