I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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