i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
