Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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