Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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