Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
