Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
