She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
