here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
