Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
