i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
