Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
