id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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