I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Fuck appropriateness.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
