woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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