so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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