I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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