There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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