I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
