So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
