also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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