Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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